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What to do When You Don’t Like Your Child’s Boyfriend or Girlfriend

Conflict within families is inevitable, particularly after a son or daughter gets married. If your adult child is dating someone you don’t like, the situation probably won’t improve if and when the two get married. Although you can’t force yourself to care for another person, there are ways you can minimize the damage to your relationship with your child if he or she marries a person that you dislike.

It’s natural for parents to feel some jealousy and distrust when their child begins to date. When the relationship becomes serious, parents almost always worry that their child will end up getting hurt. Just because a child has reached adulthood doesn’t mean that parental feelings of protectiveness are somehow turned off. It’s important, however, to recognize that adult children have a right to make their own decisions. If you’re feeling resentment towards your child’s dating choice, you need to figure out whether it’s the actual person that you dislike or if you’re misplacing normal feelings of jealousy because your child has grown up.

If you feel as if you truly dislike your child’s boyfriend or girlfriend because of annoying personality traits that they possess, you need to be honest with yourself about ways that you might be contributing to the conflict. Chances are good that you’ve got a few traits yourself that most people don’t exactly find endearing. Taking a step back is recommended so that you can assess the situation more objectively. Giving yourself some distance at this point is probably the healthiest thing for all involved.

Giving the new significant other a chance is recommended because that person may well end up being the parent of your grandchildren. Even if you feel as if you can’t get past your initial dislike of him or her, try to find some good characteristics about the person that you can focus on rather than dwelling on the negative. If you can find a shared interest or hobby, consider spending time with this person exploring that interest, and you might find yourself liking him or her.

If nothing seems to work and you can’t find anything to like about your child’s boyfriend or girlfriend, making your feelings obvious won’t help matters. Resist the temptation to be intrusive, and take care to avoid getting into arguments with the person. Remember that your child will most likely take the significant other’s side in any personality conflicts, and that could lead to alienation. It’s best to remain silent about the situation and hope that one day your child sees the light and breaks off the relationship. Be as kind, generous and understanding as possible, and remember that preserving your relationship with your child is essential to your happiness.

Author Bio:

Zita is a blogger who enjoys writing about relationships. She is currently promoting www.datingwebsites.com, which offers real life advice on dating and relationships.

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